10 Things I Learned From Zoolander

1. Nothing in the world is as fun as going to the gas station: If you're spending $4 a gallon on gas, you might as well blast some 80's music and dance. Still cheaper than going to Disneyland.

2. Facial poses by models are often named after condoms: Blue Steel? Magnum? Sounds like the names of condoms to me. What's next? Vivid? Trojan? 

3. Hand models are the smart ones: Hand models have the brains because they aren't trained to please like regular models are. Does this rule apply to foot models too?

4. Guitar Synth players are evil: Why wouldn't they be evil? Just like saxophone players, after the 80's, there wasn't much work out there for them. They'd still be employed if it wasn't for heavy metal and the rise of the grunge scene. Do you think Kurt Cobain needed a guitar synth player? No.

5. If you're a famous model, 1200 messages on your answering machine is only a bit above average: Being famous, everyone wants a piece of you. 1100 messages in a week isn't uncommon. 1200. Something is up.

6. With a small amount of make up, you can look like anyone: When breaking into Ballstein's office, Derek and Hansel use make up to look completely different. Apparently make up can change bone structure. So why is there a need for botox then?

7. A simple look can stop a throwing star in it's path: If this is true, then can a dance move stop a bullet? A hand clap stop a moving car? Yoko Ono singing stop a nuclear missile? Actually I think Yoko's singing promotes being hit by a nuclear missile.

8. Ambiturning is a real talent: Looking for things to put on your resume? Tell your potential employer that you are an ambiturner. You can turn left when need to. 

9. Listen to Billy Zane: Listen to Billy Zane. He's a good guy. He's looking out for you. Unless your name is Jack and you're on the Titanic.

10. David Bowie is the best person to judge anything: You have a pose off? David Bowie will be your judge. He has nothing better to do.