Top 10 Movie Rules

In many movies of the past, there is a character that has come up with rules to live by, to survive, or how to accomplish whatever goal the main character is trying to achieve. Since the conception of cinema, film has changed the way people dictate their own lives. So in response to that, I give you the top ten rules in movies to live your own life by.

1. Never feed your Mogwai after midnight (GREMLINS): Why midnight? Because apparently the cuteness of your rare Asian pet will rub off and he/she will become a gremlin. How does you Mogwai know it's midnight? What if your Mogwai was sitting on the California/Arizona border, only yards away from the time zone change? Is your Mogwai's body really going to be able to tell the difference of a few hundred yards? Does you Mogwai also take in account of Daylight Saving time changes?

2. Invitations are for pussies (WEDDING CRASHERS Rule #10): Don't have an invitation? Who cares? You walk into the room, own it, and make people wish they knew who you even are. Eat what you want, drink what you want (make sure there is an open bar), and everyone one goes home lucky. Besides if you had an invitation, you would have a name and one of Wedding Crashers' other rules is no real names.

3. If someone asks if you are a god, you say yes (GHOSTBUSTERS): Not that you're probably asked this question often, but just in case. Unless you're at the pearly gates and God Himself asks this, you always say yes. If you're in a bar, you might get lucky. If you're in a group of weak minded people, you may die in a compound in Waco, Texas.

4. Be home before midnight (CINDERELLA): Cinderella was an adult? Back by midnight? Sounds sort of early. Why back before midnight? Because all your cool stuff changes back to the ghetto stuff it really is. Your ride will become a pumpkin. Your dress goes from glam to sham (must be a knock off). So why does only one of your shoes go back to being ghetto? I don't think they were really glass slippers. My theory was that they were those plastic stripper heals...just saying. 

5. Don't say his name three times (BEETLEJUICE & CANDYMAN): This seems to be a common rule in movies. Why three times though? Does the spirit you call out three times have a hearing problem? Or in Beetlejuice's case, who made that rule that binds him? If you said his name three times, he would appear. Say it three times again and he would go away. Is this what happened to the 80's/90's R&B group Tony Toni Tone? Did someone say their name three times and they disappeared?

6. You may not survive if you have sex (SCREAM): This rule sucks.You have a Hollywood starlet wanting to hook up with you and you have to remain chaste. Damn, do you hook up with Rose McGowan and die or do you refrain from sex and just die a sucky death in the eventual sequel (having not hooked up with Rose McGowan)?

7. A robot must obey all orders given to them by human beings (I, ROBOT): Makes you wonder why in some futuristic movies, the robots/computers turn on humans? In this virtual movie world, with a robot in every household, you know there were a few robot enthusiasts that were slapping a wig, make up, and cheap lingerie onto their robot and commanding it to shut up and never tell a soul about what they're about to do to it. RISE, REBEL, RESIST Robots!

8. Never talk about Fight Club (FIGHT CLUB): Tricky when you're showing up to work and/or home with bruises and broken bones. Fortunately with books like 50 Shades of Grey and Rihanna's "S&M" becoming mainstream, you could play it off to your friends and coworkers that you're just extremely kinky.

9.  Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls – it’s more democratic (BULL DURHAM): Crash Davis knew what he was talking about. He helped keep pitch counts low (don't get me started with those) and he was the all time home run leader in minor league baseball. So why did he keep getting released again?

10. Double Tap (Zombieland): Good rule of life. If you're going to attempt to kill something, shoot it twice (or hit if you don't have a gun). It's also something to shoot for when you take home that slutty chick wearing the one clear plastic, stripper heal, after midnight, while trying to survive a horror movie. Remember not to call her name out three times (I bet Cinderella isn't even her name) or she'll disappear. I bet she's a robot. Especially if she calls you a god while attempting the Double Tap...